the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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