We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
