From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
