Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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