Just cropdusted the office
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
