: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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