if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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