yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
