I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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