The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
