Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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