I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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