I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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