Got a toothbrush?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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