jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
