you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude i'm inner monologue high
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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