Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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