I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
