Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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