Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
