We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This house was built for laser tag.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
