i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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