My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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