i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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