Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
