My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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