I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
