Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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