note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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