I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
