I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
