I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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