yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
