Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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