1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
