i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
