so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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