Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
