I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
