i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
