Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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