Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
