And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
