i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
