I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want nice things and good sex
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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