If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
