I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
