i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
