If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
