He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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