I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We have started to decorate penises.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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