just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
